My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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