The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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