Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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