I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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