My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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