No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
