My first STD was from a foam party
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
