mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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