the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
