I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
