uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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