my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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