theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
