I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
