I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
