In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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