she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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