not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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