The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
