i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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