Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
