I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
