And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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