Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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