Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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