party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
