dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
