I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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