I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
