As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry about my life...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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