The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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