to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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