Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
