College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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