is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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