How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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