i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
