I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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