i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
