we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
