Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
