I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
