FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
