If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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