Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
