Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
