32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
