my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
