Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
