dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
