He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
