you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
